Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
