Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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