I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Randomize
