I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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