Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
Randomize
