I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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