TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
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