im drinking this country out of the recession.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
