We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Randomize
