it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
