she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
