i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
