You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
I just want nice things and good sex
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
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