Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
