yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
