STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
