Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
