He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
PS: I just woke up from my shower
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
