An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
