i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
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