giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
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