Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
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