Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
be right there i have to get my cape
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦🏼♀️
I enjoy the company of your penis
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
