Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
