She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
