I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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