You smell like a Billy Joel song
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
the night ended with taco bell and tears
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
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