I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Randomize
