My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
