I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
