I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
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