Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
Randomize
