you would pick up someone in the library
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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