Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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