so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
