We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
