Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Randomize
