she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
Dignity is for republicans.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
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