Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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