I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Maybe he injected his testicle?
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
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