had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
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