I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
