Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
