It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
