Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
