Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Are my feet made of real feet?
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Randomize
