if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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