Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
