I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize
