I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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